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Being back in Charleston is weird.  I am glad to be closer to Lexy. I missed seeing her so much. Connor and Robert did, too. We have her now. We have looked at a few places. We filled out an app for the Townhouses Erin and I used to live in. We took the kids to the park yesterday. They had fun. They have been riding their bikes and scooters up and down the road here.

Finding a place to live is a little more difficult than I had hoped it to be, but I will continue my search. I am really uncomfortable staying with Roger. It has nothing to do with him personally. I like Roger. It is me. Robert is uncomfortable to. I can tell. The sooner we get a place the better we will both feel. Especially me. I feel like I am walking on egg shells.

There is so much I want to write about in here, but I wont at the moment. I need to figure some things out for myself first. Then I will talk about them him. I am confused about a lot of things, right now.

My psychic knows to well

Erica, let’s to your personal life.

I FEEL THAT YOU ARE IN PAIN and that you often feel deeply alone. You must have suffered a lot to be so sensitive.

You must have had many personal problems in the past. PERSISTENT PROBLEMS THAT ARE STILL BOTHERING YOU. Problems that no one would, or could, help you resolve.

You sometimes get the impression you’ve been left behind. There’s really no one you can seriously count on. Your courage is growing thin, and you may be thinking that nothing is going to change in your life.

This state of mind causes you great anxiety, which you can’t control or calm. You end up doubting yourself, and really being afraid of your future.

It seems you are bothered by a lot by sadness.

I can feel your inner unhappiness, which makes you suffer and cuts you off from other people.

Your distress makes you believe that no one is interested in you, that you are not appreciated as much as you should be.

And it’s what causes the communication problems you sometimes have with people who mean a lot to you.

PEOPLE DON’T PAY ENOUGH ATTENTION TO YOU. You get the impression you’re invisible to others, and that makes you sad.

And yet you’re generous with others, you know how to give from your heart and make sacrifices for the sake of love, sometimes for people who don’t deserve it.

But people don’t seem to pay attention to you, they unconsciously turn away from you, despite your deep and sincere feelings for those you hold dear.

Just tired

I am so tired. I am tired of people treating me like I am not good enough or I am not as good as other people. I am tired of the double standards. I am tired of being taken advantage of. I am tired of being used.

I am seriously about to blow up on everyone around me.When I do it will not be pretty.

Because you know what. I am good enough if not better than those other people. I am a good person. I do not take advantage of people. I don’t throw people out like yesterday’s garbage. I don’t use and abuse people. I don’t talk about people behind their backs. I don’t make up lies about people. I try very hard to respect everyone. Of course I also believe respect has to be earned. I believe it can be lost. I have lost respect for many.

20/20

I accept the fact that I must take responsibility for my actions and my life. There is no higher being that makes decisions for me, my path is not already laid out in front of me(not saying I don’t believe in a higher being, because I do). I make my own choices. Moving to Al wasn’t the smartest of choice’s, but I have to live with the decision I made. Taking my sister and her boyfriend in was the right thing to do at the time, We have to live with the consequences of that decision. It sucks, but it is true. If I knew then what I know now we would not have moved here. If I knew that the things that transpired this year were what I had to look forward to, I would have stayed in SC. But hindsight is 20/20, and it was a choice we made that we are going to have to live with.

So we have made the decision to move back home to Charleston. Which we are both excited and worried about.

Anatomy of a Troll

Definitions:
troll
– noun: (in Scandinavian folklore) any of a race of supernatural beings, sometimes conceived as giants and sometimes as dwarfs, inhabiting caves or subterranean dwellings.
troll
– In Internet slang, a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room or blog, with the primary intent of provoking other users into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.

In other words, a turd.

Just who are these people that feel the need to instigate others through the anonymity of the internet?

Why do they only appear out of the darkness of the shadows of the corners of the interwebs just to pounce on their next victim?

They seem to originate out of the depths in high school social circles. Falling into one of two categories, they have brought their feelings with them into adulthood. The two categories of high school personalities that seem to originate said trolls are the Outcast and the Snob.

The Outcast
Treated in high school as a leper, a weirdo, or just generally a hermit, the Outcast spent years holed up in her bedroom closet scheming against every other kid in her high school. She created drawings of herself killing the other students, typically the “popular” kids. She never felt strong enough to actually follow through with her goal of hurting or embarrassing anyone, but her every waking moment was spent dreaming of the day that she would succeed.

The Snob
Not necessarily a rich bitch, but one who sincerely felt she was better than every other girl in her high school. She had a small group of friends, most of whom looked up to her apparent self-confidence, but who really feared the Snob and her powers. Unlike the Outcast, the Snob had the ability to attack her perceived nemesis outright. She was conniving and outright despicable in her manner of embarrassing others. She was feared by every single person in the high school, especially the teachers. The Snob was not to be crossed.

The common fiber in both the Outcast and the Snob is their incredibly low self-esteem. Their fear and dislike of themselves is overwhelming to the point that they lash out at others. They feel the need to knock every single other person down so as to feel they are the superior being.

This overwhelming fear of themselves moves on to their adult lives, and with the popularity and access of social media, the Outcast and the Snot can now practice their hatred on others ANONYMOUSLY.

They are innately jealous of others’ successes. Their jealousy manifests itself in a way that is intent to cause a discombobulation in their victim’s lives, on or offline. They have now become a Troll.

The Troll
Now that their lives are spent online and away from daily personal face-to-face interactions, the Troll can now attack at will. She can prey on her victims from afar, even making “friends” with other sympathetic and unsuspecting people. The Troll can garner sympathy from their new “friends” by coaxing them into a “friendship” built on a marriage of low self-esteem and unsuccessful internet endeavors.

The Troll does not necessarily have to prey on her victims within the comment sections of blog posts. She can also create her own blog on which to lure in “friends” who think they feel the same way as the Troll. She will build relationships and “friendships” with other online women in an attempt to build up her own self-esteem.

The Troll can be seen around the blogosphere writing fun, happy posts, all of which have a strong undertone of crazy. Some Non-Trolls can see beyond the fun/happy through to the core of the crazy lying dormant for months, even years. Non-Trolls will sometimes warn other bloggers of the impending crazy to be revealed and to stay far away.

The Troll can strike at any time. The trigger could be reading a Non-Troll’s blog about a new job or sponsored trip, or reading a post where the Troll feels she was wronged. The Troll will then lash out at her victim, most often trying to remain anonymous. Brave Trolls will write posts on her own blog exposing her jealousy and rage against the “popular” bloggers or those whom she feels has “wronged” her by being successful on their own. The Troll will find a viewpoint on which she disagrees and thus feels it is her duty to attack the writer for her own personal feelings on that viewpoint.

Trolls are simply sad people garnering way too much negative energy against another person.

It is best not to poke at or feed a troll, unless of course, you feel you can handle the negative energy expended your way from said Troll. If you have the energy, by all means, poke away. However, it is not encouraged to feed the troll too much, for she will then begin her quest as your new personal Troll.

What say you?
Do you have a Troll?
Have you been the victim of a Troll?
ARE YOU A TROLL?

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