Girl Unexpected

Rabbit and I have been talking about having another baby. We want to try to have a little girl. I am worried. He is excited. With me having PCOS it is hard to get pregnant.

PCOS and Pregnancy
While it is possible to become pregnant, women with PCOS tend to suffer a much higher rate of miscarriages. Estimates put the rate of miscarriages in women with PCOS at 45% although some believe the figure may be higher. However, experts aren’t sure why exactly this is. Fertility problems experienced by women with PCOS may be related to the elevated hormone, insulin, or glucose levels, all of which can interfere with implantation as well as development of the embryo. Additionally, abnormal insulin levels may also contribute to poor egg quality, making conception more difficult.

Although getting pregnant can be problematic for women with PCOS, many have found it easier to get pregnant the second time around. Additionally, some women have found that their menstrual cycles regulate themselves after a pregnancy. Following a healthy diet and exercising regularly will also help to promote fertility.

I am worried that it will not happen. Al though I have been trying to think extremely positive. Rabbit always says when we get pregnant. When we have our little girl. So I have been trying to do the same. Yet I still can’t help but worry. I do want to have another baby with him. I am hoping when it happens it will be little girl. We already have a name for her. Sephira Evian. We are trying really hard. I am taking my medication for PCOS. Hopefully it will all work out.

I am ready to take the steps that need to be taken to live a simpler life. Rabbit and I were discussing these things the other night. I feel it is important for my children to know that living a simple loving life is okay. I want them to appreciate the beauty of life all around them. So we are implementing so new things. T.v is going to be limited to an hour in the morning and an hour at night. They will spend there days out side exploring and playing, using their imaginations, or reading a book. Video games will have a time and day limit.

Okay well, I have to go I will explain more about my plans for our simpler life.

I feel as though i am crawling into a slumbering room that hasn’t held me in years. It is quiet and thoughtful and there is wide open air all around me. I don’t have much to say. But then again, yes…yes I am sure I do. I miss writing here. Very much. I know that it is time to hop into that practice again after a nice steady break of letting it go…but to start after all this time has passed, well, it is a little intimidating. So, I begin with not much more to say than this: it feels good to be here again! In warmth and gratitude, I open up this routine in my life without obligation or doubt but with a great amount of hope, realization and re-newed energy for writing out the stories. I’ve been honoring a new blog with intention but nothing has come out for me there just yet. Perhaps it isn’t time. I am navigating my way through the newness of it and it doesn’t feel quite right yet to not be HERE. I’ll rest on some words and in the spirit of sharing; I’ll visit here again tomorrow with a starting point. Or, I may just take it all one word at a time and see where I go. Thanks for checking in and holding on!

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. So many things going on in this head of mind.

I have been taking note of all the life around me. Greens and browns and bright blossoms of promise appearing on the sturdy branches of anchored life. It really is a change to witness all around…the earth transforming into spring. It is warm here. My child is stripping down to his bare nakedness each day in attempt to capture some relief (and the freedom feels just as nice I suppose)! Oh how lovely. Spring.

Great change is on the horizon in my life…I squint at it daily and hear gentle nudges of motivation to get things in order, to prepare. Change is taking place deep inside my core…from the inside out. Which reaps epic proportions compared to the wasted energy of trying to reverse that motion. Perspective shifts and a whole new world is awake to the opened eye.

I am deep in practice of seeking truth.
Everything about it is lovely.
Even the hard stuff.

Because, when I press my heart to answer what I know of life…what else is there to do? I seek and I am beginning to understand gentleness in a completely intimate way.
Which echoes love and warmth and all things tender.

So, at first with all this change stirring about…I thought it was ideal timing for a new blog. Things are shifting…my focus is changing on what I write about…my life is cocooning and opening and drifting through that cycle so consistently.

But a new blog doesn’t feel right anymore.
It is easy for me to move forward and move on and move.
It is a bit more difficult for me to stay put and re-create with what I already have.
This feels like the bravest thing I could do…stay put, make things new here, design life right where it is.
I grow exactly where I am.