If I were creating a business card for my job as a mom, I’d have to list the following titles as well: Social Director, Cook, Cleaning Lady, Chauffeur, Nurse/Safety Officer, and Chief Communicator of my family. Being a mom is not a simple task. If you think about the many hats moms wear, it’s no surprise many of us are dragging each day. Here’s a bit more about the roles I have as the mom of my family.
Social Director: This job requires me to plan and keep track of the family’s social outings. A sub-role of this job is appointment setter – you know, making all the doctor, dentist, and other medical appointments. I never knew that being a mom also meant being an administrative assistant!
Cook: I conjure up breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. I arrange them on plates and present them with a smile
Cleaning Lady: You can’t just ignore the mess.
Chauffeur: Self-explanatory. I drive my minivan (the one I said I’d never be caught dead in, but now consider the 5th member of our family) to all of the social outings and appointments I’ve set up. Like a postal worker, this job requires me to perform it through wind, rain, sleet, hail, snow and possible tornadoes.
Nurse/Safety Officer: This job requires me to have a full stock of safety items such as ice packs, ointments, band-aids, teething rings, disinfecting wipes, and even chapstick.
Chief Communicator: In this role, I am responsible for encouraging discussions between family members, deciphering foreign languages (toddler/infant speak), and even teaching some members how to talk.
No wonder why I am so tired all the time – that’s a lot of jobs to complete successfully! And I know as my tenure in motherhood continues, the list of roles will get longer (and in case you haven’t already noticed, unlike teachers, moms are tenured from the day that baby comes home!). After reading this list, I have come to the decision that I am not actually qualified to fill the position of mom. Good thing I am in good with “the boss!”
The next time someone tells you being a mom is an easy job (and I especially hear this comment about SAHMs), tell them to give it a try for a day (and night if you have a baby who still wakes during the nighttime). I bet they will fall flat on their face from exhaustion by noon!
(There are many other roles I have not mentioned because a post listing them all would probably take up 3 pages, and what mom has time to read that?!)
What hats do you wear as the mom in your family? If you’re a dad reading this, what are your roles vs. your wife’s roles?
We have had a lot going on this past weekend and week. I quess it started Saturday when we got up early and went to the lake for our little cousins Gray’s b-day party.. Michell(his mom) and Joe(his dad) rented this 16ft water slide, they had the boat out for tubing, and a jet ski for riding. The kids had a blast. Lexie was all about going tubing.. I though she wouldn’t like it, but she went and she loved it. Connor did his own thing as usual. Although I did get him on the boat. He liked it unless it went fast. They played hard Saturday all day in a nd out the water. We ended up crashing the night at the lake house. So they went to bed around 10. Joe and Chris decided to rent the slide for another day. So, once the kids went top bed it was the adults turn to have fun on the waterslide. So we had at it. I don’t remember what time we actually ended up going to bed. Got up Sunday morning. The kids played hard.. Robert played hard.. We all played hard all day.. Roberts family cooked dinner, fried cat fish, shrimp, hush puppies, french fries, and some other stuff. They brought it down. We ate, let the kids play some more, then headed out. We are house sitting for Joe and Michelle. So we came here Sunday night. Monday I worked all day and Rabbit had some stuff to do. Tuesday I worked all day and rabbit had some more stuff to do. Are camper was delievered to us on Tuesday evening. So we had to go deal with that. Wensday and Thursday Rabbit and I both worked. Today we are both working again.. lol..
I was suppose to go to the Zoo today for a School meet and greet with Connections Academy for Connor, but for some reason I thought it was on the 26th so I didn’t take today off.
She has dirty blond hair, a seductive smile, and the most engaging set of hazel green eyes he has ever seen. It’s the kind of engaging he can’t ignore… the kind that makes him want to engage too. Because she’s mysterious. And he’s curious. And he needs to know more.
Yet, he does his best to avoid making eye contact. So he stares down at the pool table and pretends to study his opponent’s next move. But only long enough for her to look the other way, so he can once again catch a glimpse of magnificence.
He does this, not because she intimidates him, but because he thinks she may be the girl Chad met last night. A wild night that, he said, “involved two bottles of port wine, chocolate cake, and sweaty bed sheets.”
Then, just as her eyes unexpectedly met his, his opponent groans, “It’s been your turn for like five minutes. Ya planning on going sometime today?” And she walks gracefully away.
So he continues to wonder… “Is she the port wine and chocolate cake girl? Gosh, she doesn’t look like that kind of girl.” But he doesn’t wonder too long because Chad enters the room and says, “Marc, there’s someone I want you to meet.” So he follows him into the kitchen and they bump right into her. “Oh, Angel,” Chad says. “This is my buddy, Marc.”
And He smiles ear to ear and chuckles…
Because she’s not the port wine and chocolate cake girl. But also because he spent the last twenty minutes thinking about the port wine, and the chocolate cake, and the sweaty bed sheets.
The Dance
Hours later, the party begins winding down. But the band is still playing, the two painters who have been painting a wall mural all evening are still painting, and they are still dancing.
“Are you tired?” he asks.
“No,” Angel says. “Dancing is my outlet. When I dance, I transcend myself and the doubts that sometimes prevent me from being me. This evening has been enchanting, just dancing with you and being me.”
So he twirls her around. And the drummer keeps drumming. The guitarist keeps strumming. The singer keeps singing. The painters keep painting. And now they are the only ones dancing.
As they continue to dance, she says, “I feel as if we’re naked. And not just you and me, but the drummer, the guitarist, the singer, and the painters too. Everyone left in this room is naked… naked and free.”
He smiles and tells her that He agrees. “We are naked. We are free.”
As he knows they don’t have to take their clothes off to be naked. Because moments of passion flow into them like port wine flows into chocolate cake. And if they let them, these moments can expose them completely, and continuously. And create climaxes that don’t even require sex.
Because a true climax has little to do with orgasm, and everything to do with passion, love, and devotion. In the same way, nakedness has little to do with how much clothing one wears, and everything to do with one’s awareness in a given moment of time… An unfettered awareness that frees their mind and allows them to truly live the moment for all it’s worth.
The Climax
After a few more songs, Angel asks if he would like to join her out on the front porch where it’s quieter. “Just so we can talk about life,” she says.
He gives her a little wink. “I love life in this crazy world! It is crazy, isn’t it?”
She smiles. “Yeah, a world in which we can be naked with our clothes on and experience continuous climax without intercourse.”
“Because instead we can achieve both with music, or paint, or dance, or any form of avid self-expression,” he adds.
“You got it. Even the sincerity in this conversation is beginning to work for me,” she says as they step out the front door and into the moonlight.
Robert and I talk a lot about what kind of parents we want to be and what our job is as parents. We were both raised differently. He was raised with a firm hand and well lets just say I was spoiled. I know from my experience growing up that when I stepped out into the world at 17 I had no clue what I was doing, because the lessons I needed to learn about how to survive on my own where not taught to me. So I struggled. My husband on the other hand moved out at 18 went to school full time and worked full time. He knew how to make it in the world on his own.
We talk about how we are raising our kids and what we want for them. We both know that we don’t want to spoil them to the point that they are like I was, but we also don’t want to be over firm with them if that makes sense. People give us parenting advice and we listen and take it in. Not saying we do everything people tell us to do. We take what people tell us and we mold it to fit our views on being parents. This is one job that didn’t come with a manual, everyone has a different way of doing it.
Robert and I believe that are success as parents is measured by how are children respond to the world when they are grown up and move out. If our children can move out and function on their own as productive members of society than we have done are job. If not than we didn’t. Don’t get me wrong how our children act and behave as children is a reflection of our parenting, but what they do when they are grown is even more so.
It is our job as a parent to prepare our children for the world. If you give your children everything they want and do everything for them all the time how are they going to function in society when they get older. We as parents have to teach them what their role in society is. We have to teach them that once they get out on their own they don’t get everything handed to them. They have to work for what they want, at the same time we have to teach them that they have responsibilities and that those responsibilities come before their wants.
By the time my children turn 18 and go off to collage or move out on their own, they should know how to clean a house, how to do dishes, how to do their laundry, how to manage money, how to balance a check book, how to pay bills, how to take care of their car. Both of my children should be able to take care of themselves with out having to depend on someone else.
Robert and I hold our children to a certain standard. We expect nothing less than their best. I am not saying that we push them hard or drive them hard. We just expect the best out of them, because we want them to expect the best out of themselves when they get older. We do not want our children to settle for mediocre. We want them to strive to always be their best and do better.
We want our children to be independent adults.
With all that said what do you think measures your success as a parent
I see a lot of parents who want desperately to break away from the authoritarian style with which they were raised. Authoritarian parents can be demanding but not responsive and can focus heavily on obedience at the price of creativity and independence. It’s only natural that modern parents would want to be kinder, gentler parents. But it’s important not to let the pendulum swing too far in the opposite direction.
It’s important in creating a more tolerant and receptive parenting style that you not try to become your child’s friend. Children need parents to be parents, not friends. This can be a very difficult balance. You want to have a close and nurturing relationship with your child, that the lines of communication be open, that you are part of their world and that they can share their experience of it with you without trepidation. But it is important to remain in the role of the parent
Boundaries, Schmoundaries
Children need a clear line between the child’s world and the adult world. Adult problems, issues and discussions should be kept among adults. Children should not be exposed to adult discussions, worries, problems, emotions, situations or entertainment. A 10 year old boy should not be watching the same movies Dad watches as if they were buddies. A single mother should not discuss her boyfriend issues with her young daughter as if she were her girlfriend.
It’s equally important to maintain healthy emotional boundaries, and this is where things get tricky. If Dad loses his job and the parents are experiencing financial problems, it’s important that they contain their stress and not process it through the children. However, you don’t want to negate your child’s perception that something is wrong. This is a tricky balance. Ideally, the parents will work together to process their stress and anxiety through each other, through friends and through other family members without resorting to drawing the children into it. Should the children ask if something is wrong and communicate that they are perceiving stress or worry in the household, it is important that parents validate that their perceptions are correct, there is something wrong, but at the same time maintain the parent-child boundary by explaining that Mom and Dad are working on it together and it is a problem for adults to handle. Children simply are not equipped with the cognitive and emotional maturity to handle such big problems and such complex emotions.
Modern Parenting in a Modern World
This can be especially difficult for a single parent with a limited support system. These days many of us are raising children on an island. Our families live in other states and because of work pressures our social systems have becoming increasingly smaller. A single parent may be especially tempted to turn to the child for comfort or support. This may be especially true with an older child with younger siblings. The oldest child may become the surrogate spouse. This can compromise the child’s sense of security if the adult is consulting with them to make decisions. If the adult is not in charge, who is? It may also seriously compromise the child’s respect for the parent. How do you look up to someone who is asking you for advice and you are only 12? Children may like to get their way about certain issues that concern them (getting to stay up late or being able to buy a new toy), but they do not want to be in charge. They feel more secure knowing a capable adult is in charge and having clear boundaries between themselves and adult issues.
Divorce Wars
Parents who are experiencing marital difficulties may find their problems spilling over into their interactions with their children. If they are divorced, they may send inappropriate messages to each other through the child. (i.e. “Did your mother have her boyfriend over when you were there?” or “Tell your father to be on time for his visits.”) Parents should not make disparaging remarks about each other to the children. No matter what the other parent has done to you they are still your child’s parent and children may have mixed feelings even about a parent who has molested or abused them. Save your opinions for other, adult family members or your friends. Don’t put a child in the position of having to join in the disparagement of their parent or to defend them from your attacks. It’s simply not fair.
Modern parents have many, many challenges in trying to raise healthy, well balanced children. Most parents want to be better parents than their parents and that is commendable. Many parents want to build more nurturing and supportive relationships with their children than they had with their own parents and I am inspired by their efforts. Though I think our society has a long way to go in protecting children rights, I salute parents who are trying to make the childhoods of their own children kinder and gentler than the one’s in which they grew up. Staying in their role as the parent and maintaining healthy boundaries with their children can help them develop closer relationships while protecting their childrens right to be children.
